Friday, June 13, 2008

Rocks in the Road

Usually I am all for smooth roads, figuring that they make for easy paths, whether I’m driving our green GMC Safari or just myself crazy. And, admittedly, this month has not been our month for smooth roads. There have been quite a few bumps…the one on the front of my being that HELLO COULD BE BORN ANY DAY NOW AND WHY DON’T YOU HURRY IT UP I HAVE OTHER THINGS TO COMPLAIN ABOUT!!!, the fact that we have 17 more days to find a place to move, finish packing up our house, and move there, and the continual search for the church where God would have Ethan serve. Not helping this is my inability to do anything (or, OK, perhaps it is “my choice” to do nothing – but if I put it in that light, I will have to deal with my attitude and how even in this God is sovereign and I am being a whiner and choosing not to glorify Him – let’s just stick with “inability”) but dwell obsessively on my desire to be rid of this huge, morphing, heartburn-inducing, varicose-vein throbbing mass inside of me (oh, and um, I love you, little one).


But when I ASK for there to be bumps in the road – say, when I purchase a half-gallon of ice cream that loudly advertises its bumps with the screaming title “Rocky Road” and large sliced almonds enticing me on its label – well, there better be some bumps.


But in a strange all-too-exasperatingly-familiar twist of fate, the half-gallon we purchased Tuesday night has not one bit of almond in it. Excuse me? ROCKY Road? Where’s the doggone ROCKS? I hate smooth ice cream!


When you can’t even console yourself with the time-honored balm of Breyers, something is terribly wrong. And not only is something wrong, there is no telephone number on the carton for me to call to inform them that something is wrong. I have to FINISH the ice cream, cut out the UPC code, and mail that with the code on the bottom to such-and-such an address.


In the frenzy of packing and tossing, I am sure we will lose some things. Probably a priceless heirloom, more surely my wallet, and definitely the van key.


But I will NOT lose that UPC code and carton bottom. They will be hearing from me. And they will either send me a coupon for a new half-gallon or choose to rename their ice cream. Something like, “Freshly Paved Asphalt, with Lactose.”




  1. Hello! You have a beautiful family. I have five kids myself. Our fifth child was born when our oldest was 6. That was 5 1/2 years ago......I can relate! When is your 6th due? What a woman!

    I also take great 'comfort' in 'bumpy' ice cream -- It's just a travesty when you can't because they left out the best part!:) My new favorite is the Edy's slow churned ---- oooooh, that does it for me!

    Good luck with your new little one! -Becky

  2. is June 15. Or 16. Depending on who is spinning the little spinner thing at the doctor's office.

    Hey, I read that you are a root beer lover. This is something I must post about. We have an ongoing quest to find the perfect root beer here...I will be asking for your opinion!

  3. Good grief! That really stinks, not having any rocks in your rocky road ice-cream! That's even WORSE than finding a worm in your cream of broccoli soup like I did when I was pregnant with my DD! YUCK! But still, at least I could throw out a .60 cent can of soup. Ice-cream - not so easy to throw out regardless of it's lack of rocks. I hope you get free ice-cream for a year or something like that.


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