Confuddled

I don't think there's a word for the way my brain feels right now...full of nonsense information organized into nonsense piles content in their nonsensicalness. I have so much to update and elaborate on:

• where we're living


• where we vacationed


• homeschool curriculum for this coming year


• etc.

But that will involve a bit of strategic brain organizing, and I'm too tired for that. So another day.
 
I'll just start with today and leave the rest for later (or forever buried in those piles). Today is the day my baby sister left for college. I am INFAMOUS for crying at goodbyes...we're not sure how I inherited this trait from my husband's paternal grandmother; but somehow, I did. I mean, when I was eighteen I was at a slumber party with my best friends. I spent the ENTIRE night crying because I was leaving for Texas to go to college. (Granted,  I still think Texas is worthy of tears, but we'll leave off that for now.) It was so bad that my friend's mother called my mother to come get me (Carol, do you remember this?). I WAS EIGHTEEN. (See what six kids does to you? I have no dignity anymore and don't even hesitate to share this with you!) Anyway. So she picked me up, and I spent the entire next day in the bedroom that I shared with my baby sister, me crying because I was starting college, and she crying because she was starting kindergarten.
  
And today, she left for college. My daughter Lily is the same age that Rebecca was when I left for college.
  
And despite my constant pep talks to myself during the day, I cried saying goodbye.
  
Even with my husband's self-righteous "I KNEW you would cry!" chuckles, I still cried. Darn it.
     
But this time was different. I always cried before because I had no idea how on earth the world would go on without me. Who would mock my siblings for their own good? Who would clean the bathrooms? Who would micro-manage? Who would love ____________ (name of person I was leaving) like I did?
  
Oddly enough, each of these problems worked itself out. I'm still a bit shocked at this, but it's true.
  
But today, I cried for ME. It was a purely selfish cry (as opposed to all the other selfless, humanitarian cries). I know SHE'S fine. Heck, this is a semester-long vacation for her, after being the only teen relative within shouting distance of eight nieces and nephews. (Granted, we do have incredible lung capacity and shouting ability in our genes.)
   
But what about ME? Don't tell me I have to teach all of the rest of my children how to tie their shoes! Certainly she can't expect ME to be sympathetic to their owies in Sunday School? And I don't have time to read all those stories! And how ON EARTH!! am I supposed to get a date in NOW? And doggone it, if I am alone the NEXT time one of my children knocks herself out, I am going to march into that Academic Dean's office and demand that they return my baby sitter sister, for the safety of my sanity.
  
Not to mention how OLD I feel every time I look at Lily and think about Rebecca at that age, and how it seems like yesterday.
  
And how another tomorrow, not many tomorrows from now, that will be my Lily going off to college. And even sooner than that, it will be my Ben. And there they will find spouses, and then there will be grandchildren...
     
AAAACK! Come to think of it, I'm glad Becca's off to college. She needs to hurry up and find a husband so she can hurry up and have kids so my grandchildren have babysitters.
 
Oy. I can just feel my bones getting older. I think I need to grab an aspirin, rub some Ben Gay on my temples, and take out my teeth so I can head to bed.
  
Before the baby cries to be nursed.
  
See what she's done to me?