|(This is how seriously I am taken around here.)|
Things I Should Not Have to Say:
- Please stop blowing your nose on the bulletin. (Said to my 8-yr. old during the evening worship service. His defense? "I didn't want to get up to get a tissue. That would be a distraction." And all the crinkling while you snot all over
the preacheryour father's outline is not?)
- Do not stick rabbit food up your nose. (Said to the 2-yr. old after he had been sneezing for two days. We thought he had a cold. He kept saying, "Bunny rabbit hurt my nose." An especially explosive sneeze proved he was [sort of] right.)
- Do not spray Febreze air freshener in your eyes. (Said to the same 2-yr. old who had to be taken to the Walmart bathroom to have his very red and very swollen face thoroughly rinsed and scrubbed.)
- Do not squirt alcohol swimmer's ear drops up your baby sister's nose. (Said to a 5-yr. old after we had to call Poison Control and make an emergency run to Walmart for some saline to re-irrigate baby's nostrils.)
- I don't have time to cut your toenails. Put some socks on. (The 8-yr. old. And, come to think of it, one of the 5-yr. olds.)
- When I say, "Tighten your seatbelt," I do not mean for you to tighten it so much that you are crying because you can't breathe. (The 6-yr. old.)
- Do not lick the dog. (ALL of them. Seriously.)
- Do not lick the shopping cart.
- Do not lick the van.
- Really? You're still licking????
"How long will you say these things, and the words of your mouth be a great wind?"
(Job 8:2, Bildad to Job, taken greatly out of context yet somehow fitting...)